Halloween II (aka H2/2009/Sony Blu-ray)
Picture: C+ Sound: B- Extras: D Film: D
Rob
Zombie may have a cult following as a filmmaker of some kind, but it is very
small and would not be there without his previous music career. If he did not already essentially destroy the
1978 John Carpenter classic Halloween
by remaking it, a desperate Weinstein Company allowed him to do a sequel (it
did better in home video than in theaters) and the resulting Halloween II (2009) was supposed to be
a big hit. Instead, it bombed and trying
to be hip by calling it H2 made it
sound like very bad water science or a Hall & Oates album.
Continuing
from the pathetic last release, Zombie seems determined to get revenge on all
those who did not like either the last film or any of his other works, so in
the currently tired, worn-out, pathetic, formulaic, desperate torture porn
cycle he helped create, the murders are angrier and more brutal than anything
else. That could be said for the Halloween II Rick Rosenthal made in
1981, but that actually continued the story in a way that made sense (and as
compared to this looks like a Hitchcock classic) and had a decent script. Zombie’s film is not a remake of that script
and instead is just a 119-minutes-long temper tantrum that is frankly very
embarrassing as well as a total waste of time, making it one of 2009’s worst
releases with ease despite the high competition of garbage.
Even
George Lucas was more reserved when his Ron Howard-directed Willow
(1988) attacked Lucas’ many critics, especially after the Howard The Duck debacle, but the contempt for all but hardcore
horror fans here is extraordinary and once again Malcolm McDowell and Brad
Dourif are totally wasted, as is the time of anyone watching. If The Weinstein Company tanks, they can
blame Zombie for a good share of that.
To show
you how bad this is, an early scene where our serial killer hero (An oxy moron
I know, but you see how low we have to go to describe this mess) is supposedly dead (yea, right… yawn!) as
two men driving him in an ambulance start talking about the dumbest things, one
of whom is celebrating necrophilia and considering it with the dead
passenger. Then the classic hit The Things We Do For Love by 10CC is
playing on their radio and they hit a cow in the middle of the road!
No, I am
not making that up, but it is the epitome of how scattered and pointless this
all is. Add the bad editing and
generally unsavory, angry mood of it all and it is an amazing waste of
time. Zombie is just here for a paycheck
and could care less, but his cult following and the giant longshot that he will
have a big hit one day will continue to get his projects funded (none very
original, of course) until he really blunders.
Sad.
The 1080p
1.85 X 1 digital high definition image was shot in Super 16mm film and made to
look much grainier and softer than the format should, offering all kind of
interesting picture imperfections, many added on purpose. The DTS-HD MA (Master Audio) 5.1 lossless mix
is underwhelming and can be harsh at the high and bass edges. Considering Zombie records music, that is
odd, Horror genre or not.
Extras include
Blu-ray exclusive movieIQ and BD Live interactive functions, plus Audition
Footage, Deleted & Alternate Scenes of no consequence, Make-up Test
Footage, Music Videos, a highly lame audio commentary by Zombie with no point,
Uncle Seymour Coffins’ Stand-up Routines and a Blooper Reel that has a higher
quality than the final feature.
He is now
writing a third and intending it for 3-D after his Blob remake! You have been warned.
For how
bad the first remake was, try these links:
DVD set
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/6315/Halloween+%E2%80%93+Unrated+Dir
Original Theatrical Release
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/5906/Halloween+(2007/Theatrical+Film
For how
bad Zombie’s other work is, try these links:
House Of 1,000 Corpses
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/5950/House+Of+1,000+Corpses+(Blu-ray
The Devil’s Rejects
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/4390/The+Devil%E2%80%99s+Rejects
- Nicholas Sheffo
