The Offspring – Splinter (CD)
Sound:
B Music: C-
When
I told some friends I was going to review the new Offspring CD, they begged me
to butcher it. Hatred of The Offspring
and of pop-punk in general, runs deep in this certain group of people. I couldn't promise anything to them. Anyway,
what do they think a bad review will do? Form a clot in the hearts of The Offspring
personnel, killing them instantly.
Intriguing thought, but nay impossible. After all, the pen may be mightier than the
sword, but it can't compete with a million drones singing along to "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)".
So
let's be objective and examine the good and bad of "Splinter", The
Offspring's seventh album. First, the good: Splinter is 32 minutes long. That way, if you find it annoying, at
least it'll be over with soon. The songs "(Can't
Get My) Head Around You" and "Spare
Me The Details" are pretty catchy. The first is a slow-burning rocker with a punk
feel, while the second one's breezy pop clashes with its' tragicomic lyrics
about a cheating girlfriend.
There's
far more that's bad than good on Splinter,
though. About half the album tracks feature the same tired up-tempo hardcore
beat. If they'd shred a little more, it
could pass for speed metal (or an outtake from Metallica's St. Anger, which is worse). For all we know, The Offspring could've
recorded all these songs on the same (guest drummer) Josh Freeze rhythm, saving
themselves from having to pay his session fees. Worse, when they go back to their goofball
roots, the bread-and-butter that has kept The Offspring's career alive, they
sink beyond LCD depths. "When You're In Prison" is advice on
how to protect your back end in the clink, recorded as a 1930s pop 45, complete
with crackle. "The Worst Hangover Ever" is a ska-punk (when will this genre
die!!!) number about. . .well, the worst hangover ever. Both are so insipid that even a frat guy would
go "That kind of humor is beneath me."
The
PCM CD sound is good again for what we can expect from 16bit/44.1kHz limits can
deliver today, but this CD has something in its layers that will not always
allow it to play clearly on all CD, CD-ROM, DVD and DVD-ROM players. This could be copyright protection of some
sort, so keep your receipt if you have any trouble.
Well, there you go. Splinter,
as a statement of longevity for a band that goes back over fifteen years,
fails. It fails to attract anyone beyond
the band's following, barely peaking in the Billboard Top 30 whereas the
previous four Offspring albums hit the Top Ten. It's not even good as a simple pop-punk album.
Truth is it's not even good to butcher.
- Michael J. Farmer
