Tanya’s Island
Picture: C-
Sound: C Extras: C Film: D
If you thought the original Blue Lagoon was a
landmark and the Tarzan with Bo Derek and Miles O’Keefe, directed by
late husband John was everything Edgar Rice Burroughs always dreamed a film
based on his books could be, you will want to see Tanya’s Island. Made soon after those other two “works” of
the early 1980s, this film has the distinction of featuring future music artist
Prince protégé Vanity (then one D.D. Winters) as a woman who walks around her
home island naked all the time.
She gets involved with a white man (Richard Sargent) and
that attracts the attention of a very interest man-ape creature, which causes
the kind of love triangle that made Troma Pictures possible. King Kong it ain’t, seeming
particularly obsessed with building its story around an incident on the Derek
film where a love scene got a lion too interested, attacking O’Keefe, who
survived. Unfortunately, so did that
film and this one.
To say this film is as bad as it is ridiculous is an
understatement, but there is simply not enough room on this (or any) website to
express how bad this is. Fortunately,
the DVD format can hold up to 266 minutes a side and all 85 minutes of this
indescribable disaster can allow you to see it for yourself. Worst of all is when Sargent’s character
paints his body to be dark, stopping short of black face. You’ll be red in the face just trying to sit
through this, but the DVD is here. See
it at your own risk.
The full frame 1.33 X 1 image may or may not be the entire
frame of the film shot, but this is a grainy, old analog transfer that is noisy
and soft throughout. I doubt a digital
High-Definition transfer would improve matters or the film much, so this will
do. Rick Baker and Rob Bottin are
credited with the ape suit, but they were doing this for a paycheck and knew
it, unless they got default credit for their previous work being recycled for
this film. The Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono
is almost as flat as the film itself, with a lame music score. This is practically a VHS or Beta release
for performance. The only extras
include text on the cast and director, then five trailers for other “unique”
DVD product. Vanity went on to be in
Vanity 6, which features three members, so you guess as to what the numbers
refers to, then a solo career. She
retir4ed after drugs drove her to the born again life. This film likely drove her to the drugs in
the first place. Hopefully, it will not
have the same effect on you.
- Nicholas Sheffo
